Bishop of Hippo Saint Augustine
King Alfred's Old English Version of St. Augustine's Soliloquies
R. The soul's vision is Reason and Contemplation. But many souls look with these, and yet see not what they desire, because they have not entirely sound eyes. But he who wisheth to see God must have the eyes of his mind whole; that is, he must have an abiding faith and a just hope and a full love. When he hath all these, then hath he life blessed and eternal. The vision which we shall catch of God is knowledge. That knowledge is between two things – between that which understandeth and that which is understood – and is fastened on both even as love is between the lover and the one loved. On both it is fastened, as we said before concerning the anchor-cable that the one end was fast to the ship, and the other to the land.
A. Then if it ever again happeneth that I can see God as thou now teachest me that I should behold Him, would I need all three of the things that thou formerly spakest about, namely: faith and hope and love?
R. What need then is there of faith, when one seeth that which he formerly exercised faith toward, and again knoweth that which he formerly hoped for? But love never waneth – it abideth greatly increased when the understanding is fixed on God; nor hath love ever any end. Omni consummatione uidi finem; latum mandatum tuum nimis:6 that is, of everything in the world I shall see the end, but the end of thy commandments I shall never see. That is the love about which he prophesied. But, although the soul be perfect and pure while it is in the body, it can not see God as[29.13 – 30.27] it desireth, because of the sorrow and tribulation of the body, except with much labor through faith and hope and love. These are the three anchors which sustain the ship of the mind in the midst of the dashing of the waves. Yet the mind hath much comfort because it believeth and clearly knoweth that the misfortunes and unhappiness of this world are not eternal. So the ship's master,7 when the ship rideth most unsteadily at anchor and the sea is roughest, then knoweth of a truth that calm weather is coming. Three things are needful to the eyes of each soul: One is that they be whole; the second, that they should look at what they would see; the third, that they may see what they look at. For the three is God's help necessary, for one can neither do good nor any thing without His aid. Therefore He is always to be entreated that He be ever helpful; therefore also He inspireth us and inciteth us first to be well-wishing, and afterwards worketh with us that which He willeth till such time as we perfect it with Him; and especially He worketh with us as with some powerful tool, just as it is written8 that with each well-working person God is a co-worker. We know that no man can perform any good unless God work with him; howbeit no man must be so idle as not to begin something through the strength that God giveth him.
A. Thou teachest me the right way. Now I know what I ought to do; but I do not know whether I can or can not.
R. Thou oughtest not to despair because thou canst not come at once to that which thou desirest for thyself. Can he who would learn a science ever do so in a short time, a little more or a little less? Thine is the science of all sciences, to wit, that one should seek after God and look toward Him and see Him.
A. Well thou advisest me; but I recall what thou didst formerly promise me, and very joyfully I abide that promise; thou[30.27 – 32.7] didst promise to teach me how to see God with the eyes of my mind as clearly as I now see the sun with the eyes of my body.
R. Well thou remindest me; I will do for thee what I promised. Call to mind now that thou canst see with thy body's eyes three things in regard to the sun: One is that it existeth; another, that it shineth; the third, that it lighteth up many things with its shining. All the things which are bright, when the sun shineth on them, shine against it, each after its own kind. But those things which are not bright shine not against the sun, although it shineth on them. But the sun shineth, nevertheless, on them, and yet he who looketh toward it can not see it wholly just as it is. All this and more thou canst observe concerning God. He is the high Sun. He always abideth, lighting up with His own light both the sun which we see with bodily eyes and all creatures both spiritual and terrestrial. Therefore he seemeth to me a very foolish man who wisheth to understand Him just as He is, while we are yet in this world. Behold! I suppose that no one is so foolish that he becometh sorrowful because he can not see and understand, just as it is, the sun which we look at with corporeal eyes; but every one rejoiceth that at least he can understand according to the measure of his understanding. He doth well who desireth to understand the Eternal and Almighty Sun; but he doth very foolishly, if he wisheth to know Him perfectly while he is in this world.
A. Very wonderfully and very truly thou teachest, and very much thou hast comforted me and brought me into good hope. But I pray still for what thou aforetime didst promise me.
R. Two things I promised that I would accomplish and teach thee, to wit, to understand God and thyself. But I would know how thou desirest to understand that – whether thou wouldst believe without experience, or know by experience.
A. [32.8 – 33.19]I would know it by experience, for I know nothing of it surely.
R. That is no wonder. I did not explain it to thee in such wise that thou couldst know it by experience; for there is yet something which thou must first know, to wit, whether we both are whole.
A. Thou must know whether thou findest any health, either in me, or in thyself, or in us both. It becometh thee to teach and me to listen; and it becometh me to answer what I understand according to the measure of my understanding, if so be I understand it at all; if I do not understand it at all, then must I admit it and leave it to thy judgment.
R. Wishest thou to know more than about God and thyself?
A. I answer thee that I do not wish anything more earnestly; but I dare not promise thee that I shall not desire any thing else than that; for it is verily hidden from me, albeit something cometh into my mind which, methinks, nothing can hinder me from furthering and performing. When another thing cometh which seemeth to me more right and reasonable, then I leave off that which I formerly held enough; and therefore at times it happeneth that something is so fixed in my mind, that I think I shall never let it go so long as I live. Howbeit there cometh to me then some trouble which occupieth me so that I can never leave it, nor can I perform it although I can not think of any better [thing to be done].9 But three things have troubled me most: One is, I fear that I must part with my friends whom I love most, or they with me – either for life or for death; the second is, I fear sickness, both the known and the unknown; the third is, I fear death.
R. I hear now what thou lovest most next to thine own reason and God: They are, the life of thy friends, and thine own health, and thine own life. Of these five things thou art afraid that thou shalt lose some, because thou lovest them[33.19 – 35.8] all very much. If thou didst not love them, then thou hadst not dreaded that thou wouldst lose them.
A. I admit what thou sayest to me.
R. Therefore methinks that I see thee very sad and greatly cast down in thy mind, because thou hast not such health as thou hadst; nor hast thou all thy friends with thee so agreeable and harmonious as thou wouldst. Nor doth it seem to me any wonder that thou art sad for that reason.
A. Thou understandest it rightly; I can not gainsay that.
R. If then it ever happen that thou shalt find thyself full whole and full strong, and hast all thy friends with thee, both in mind and in body, and in that same work and in that same will which pleaseth thee best to do, wilt thou then be happy at all?
A. Yea, verily; if it should now suddenly happen, I do not know how on earth I would begin.
R. Hast thou not then still some trouble, such as immoderate sorrow, either of mind or of body – seeing now thou hast those two things? Wert thou, therefore, foolish in heart, when thou didst wish that thou shouldst see with such eyes the high and everlasting Sun?
A. Now thou hast overcome me withal, so that I by no means know how much of health I have, nor how much of sickness.
R. That is no wonder. No man hath such sound eyes that he can look any length of time toward the sun which we here see, much less if he have weak eyes. But those that have weak eyes can be more at ease in the darkness than in the light. Methinks, though, that it seemeth to thee that thou hast sound eyes. Thou thinkest of the health of thy soul's eyes, but thou dost not think of the great light which thou wishest to see. Be not wroth with me, albeit I question thee and examine thee, for I needs must do that. Methinks thou dost not understand thyself.
A. [35.9 – 37.3] I am in no wise wroth with thee, but rejoice in what thou sayest, because I know that thou seekest my good.
R. Wishest thou any wealth?
A. Long ago I resolved that I should despise it. I am now three and thirty years old, and I was one less than twenty when I first resolved that I would not love wealth overmuch. Though enough should come to me, I would not rejoice very much, nor enjoy it too immoderately, nor would I gain more to keep than I could fitly make use of, and keep and support the men on, whom I must help; and the residue I think as orderly to divide as I best am able so to do.
R. Wishest thou any honor?
A. I confess to thee that I did wish that till recently desire failed.
R. Desirest thou not a beautiful wife, and withal modest and well instructed and of good manners and subject to thy will, and one who hath much substance and would not engross thee in any thing, nor hinder thee from enjoying leisure at thy will?
A. Dost thou not praise her overmuch that I may wish her all the more? For methinks there is nothing worse for him that willeth to serve God than to take a wife – though some one hath said that it is better to take one for the rearing of children. Howbeit I say that it is better for priests not to have a wife. Therefore I decided that I would take none, because I wished to be the freer to serve God.
R. I hear now that thou dost not think to take a wife; but I would know whether thou still hast any love or lust after any uncleanness.
A. Why askest thou more about that? I do not now desire that; but if lust ever cometh to me, I dread it as an adder. Ever the less is my desire for it, and ever the more I wish to see the light, even as I lust the less after this manner.
R. How about food? How much dost thou desire that?
A. [37.4 – 39.13] I desire none of those meats which I have renounced; I desire those which I have thought right to eat, when I see them. What shall I say more either about meat, or drink, or baths, or riches, or honor, or any worldly lusts? Nor do I wish any more of these than I shall need to have for my bodily comfort and to keep my strength. Howbeit I need much more for the wants of those men which I must take care of, and moreover this I needs must have.
R. Thou art right. But I would know whether thy old covetousness and greediness be entirely extirpated and uprooted from thy mind, so that it can not still grow.
A. Why askest thou that?
R. I speak of the things which thou before saidst to me that thou hadst decided to leave off and for nothing would turn back to again, namely: overmuch wealth, and immoderate honor, and inordinately rich and luxurious living; and therefore I now ask whether, either for the love of them or for the love of any thing, thou wilt return to them again. I heard formerly that thou saidst that thou lovedst thy friends, next to God and thine own reason, above other things. Now I would know whether thou, for their love, wouldst lay hold of these things again.
A. I will lay hold of all again for their love, if I can not else have their companionship —yet it doth not please me so to do.
R. Very reasonably thou dost answer me and very rightly. Howbeit I understand that the lusts of the world are not entirely uprooted from thy mind, although the trench be prepared; for the roots can sprout thence again. Yet I impute that not to thee as a fault, for thou layest hold of it not for the love of those things but for the love of this thing which it is more right to love than that. I never ask about any man, what he doth; but yet I ask thee now why thou lovest thy friends so much, or what thou lovest in them, or whether thou lovest them for their own sake or for some other thing.
A. [39.14 – 41.19] I love them for friendship and for companionship, and above all others I love those who most help me to understand and to know reason and wisdom, most of all about God and about our souls; for I know that I can more easily seek after Him with their help than I can without.
R. How then if they do not wish to inquire after the One whom thou seekest?
A. I shall teach them so that they will.
R. But how then if thou canst not, and if they be so foolish as to love other things more than that which thou lovest, and say that they can not or will not?
A. I, nevertheless, will have them: they will be helpful to me in some things and I likewise to them.
R. But how then if they disturb thee, and if the infirmities of the body hinder thee?
A. That is true; howbeit I would not fear at all the infirmities, if it were not for three things: One of these is heavy sorrow; another is death; the third is that I can not seek nor truly find what I desire just as thou madest me know. Toothache hindered me from all learning, but yet it did not altogether snatch from me the remembrance of that which I formerly learned. Howbeit I suppose, if I should understand certainly that which I yearn to understand, sorrow would seem to me very little, or else naught, compared with faith. Yet I know many a pain is much sharper than toothache, albeit I never suffered any sharper. I learned that Cornelius Celsus taught in his books that in every man wisdom is the highest good and sickness the greatest evil. The saying appeareth to me very true. Concerning the same thing the same Cornelius saith: 'Of two things we are what we are, to wit, of soul and of body. The soul is spiritual, and the body earthy. The best faculty of the soul is wisdom, and the worst affliction of the body is sickness.' Methinks moreover that this is not false.
R. Have we not now shown clearly enough that wisdom is the highest good? Is it not also beyond a doubt that it is to every man the best of all the virtues? And is it not his[41.19 – 43.12] best work to search after wisdom, and love it whenever he findeth it? But I would that we two might now search out who the lovers of this wisdom should be. Dost thou not know that every man who loveth another very much liketh better to caress and kiss the other on the bare body than where the clothes come between? Now I understand that thou lovest wisdom very much, and wishest so much to know and feel it naked that thou wouldst not that any cloth were between; but it will seldom so openly reveal itself to any man. At those times when it will show any limb thus bare, it doth so to very few men; but I know not how thou canst receive it with gloved hands. Thou must also place the bare body against it, if thou wilt feel it. But tell me now, if thou lovedst a certain beautiful woman very immoderately and above all other things, and if she fled from thee and would reciprocate thy love on no other condition than that thou wouldst renounce every other love for hers alone, wouldst thou then do as she wished?
A. Alas! what a hard thing thou dost enjoin upon me! Didst thou not formerly admit that I loved nothing above wisdom, and moreover I too admitted it, albeit thou saidst then that whoever loveth one thing for the sake of another, he doth not of a truth love that former thing for which he professeth love, but really that for which he loved the former thing and thought to obtain it. Therefore I assert that I love wisdom for no other thing than for its own sake. I love all the world – each thing as I consider it profitable, and especially that thing most which helpeth me to wisdom; and moreover those things which I fear most to lose. Howbeit I do not love any thing else in such wise as I love wisdom. Every thing which I love most I grant, while I love it most, to no man but to myself, except wisdom alone. It I love above all other things, and yet of my free will I would grant it to every man, so that all who are on this earth might love it and search after it, yea, find it, and then use it; for I know that each of us would love the other by so much more as our will and our love were more in unison.
